


Getting Rid of Old Dreams

by Falka_tyan



Series: Out of the Dark - Into the Light [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Body Worship, Chastity Device, Cock Cages, Dom/sub Undertones, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Kenma is an Information Dealer, M/M, Making Up, Mentions of Panic Attacks, Paddling, Past Abuse, Possessive Behavior, Punishment, Spanking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-07
Updated: 2017-10-07
Packaged: 2019-01-10 02:52:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12289677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Falka_tyan/pseuds/Falka_tyan
Summary: A sequel to "Admiring My Nightmares". Can be read as a stand-alone fic, I guess, but I still recommend to start with the first part.After Kenma has saved Tetsurou from being a slave to Oikawa, they've started to live together in Yokohama. Kenma continues working for a criminal group as an information provider while Tetsurou has resumed studying chemistry at a local university.The only problem is, the time in Oikawa's dungeon has left its trace on both Kenma and Tetsurou, and their relationship can't be considered entirely healthy.





	Getting Rid of Old Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, everyone!  
> I've started the Kinktober 2017 challenge, and it just happened. I've written a new fic outside the challenge. Suddenly, I got an idea of how to describe what happens to my very first Kenma and Tetsurou couple after the events of "Admiring My Nightmares". I've always wanted to write a continuation, I knew what I want to write, but the story itself has been emotionally charging for me, so... I am surprised and delighted that I've been able to write a chapter now. There will be several, not more than five, I guess.  
> If someone was missing these two, please, enjoy a fic where Kenma and Tetsurou are happy together! And without much angst!

Tetsurou comes home to a very angry Kenma. Oh. So Kenma knows.

“Did you really think I won’t notice you straying from your usual path, Tetsurou?”

Tetsurou sighs. A man can hope.

“How do you know, anyway? Are you following me?” the black-haired asks playfully. A second later it clicks, how naïve his question was. And now Tetsurou is angry, too.

“No, don’t tell me…! You’re pulling this shit with bugs and hidden cameras on me too! I’m not your working object, Kenma!” Tetsurou exclaims agitatedly.

“Yes, you’re much more important than that,” comes a calm reply from the blonde.

And the bastard has the audacity to look Tetsurou straight in the eyes, challenging him to contradict, to fight with Kenma’s authority. Needless to say, that … it works as intended. His agitation forgotten, Tetsurou averts his eyes and lowers his gaze to the floor meekly. He swallows audibly and tries to prepare himself mentally to the inevitable scolding, and, most certainly, a punishment for his disobedience. For a brief moment, panic squeezes his guts for he recalls Oikawa’s cold, callous gaze and merciless treatment. But it fades without a trace when Kenma speaks up again, his voice sad and worried, and so, so warm:

“I know I’m showing an unhealthy obsession with you. I know I’m acting selfishly and possessively. But I really do care about your safety and your well-being. And it’s not a joke to me at all when you don’t follow our agreed rules. You’ve told me when I organized your re-admission to a university in Yokohama (we’ve even found the same course in chemistry you’ve studied in Tokyo!) that you will go straight to the uni from home and straight home on your way back,” Kenma’s tone grows accusatory at the end of his speech. “You’ve promised me, Tetsurou. You’ve promised me.”

Unexpectedly for himself, Tetsurou snaps his head up and starts shouting:

“But how could have I said something else when you didn’t give me one small chance to argue!”

Surprised by his outburst, Tetsurou falls silent. He breathes heavily. The floor seems suddenly so interesting to look at again. Then, after a moment of reflecting, since Kenma doesn’t speak up, the raven-haired boy adds in a smaller voice: “I always do as you tell. I care for you, Kenma. I don’t want to make you worry. But, the thing is… I feel caged living like that.”

Tetsurou notices Kenma wincing at his last words as if he’d been physically slapped, and regrets opening his mouth at all. He makes a move to kneel before Kenma. He’s ready to apologize, to beg for forgiveness because he knows, he knows better than anyone that Kenma wants him happy. Safe and happy. A little wordplay comes to Tetsurou’s mind: in their situation, one can’t be happy unless he is sure that the other is safe.

Kenma stops Tetsurou from falling to his knees holding his palm up and shaking his head in negative.

“It’s OK, there’s no need to apologize. I have no doubt you feel like that.”

Tetsurou wants to slink through the floor from shame because of Kenma’s self-deprecating tone.

His boyfriend continues talking, and his voice is bitter this time.

“You could have called me before going to this cafe, you know. It is simple, right? You’ve agreed to the rules, I didn’t force you to agree, now did I? I would have listened to you if you’ve offered some objections. Have you been so afraid I’ll take it all back and won’t allow you going to university at all if you won’t accept all of my rules?”

A heavy silence falls upon them because both of them know that Kenma could have done just that if Tetsurou would have shown signs of possible mutiny during their discussion in the past. But, Tetsurou knows what his boyfriend really means: he could have at least discussed the set of rules Kenma has invented for him in earnest, not just say: ”I’ll follow any rules you invent for me, Kenma” and then accuse Kenma that his rules are excessive. Tetsurou feels like shit.

Tetsurou can see just how disappointed Kenma is, and, to Tetsurou, he has every right to be. Kenma is the one who’s saved Tetsurou’s life, Kenma is the one who earns money for them both, Kenma is the one who brought Tetsurou back from being on the edge of a panic attack all the time. But, the most important for their current conversation, Kenma is the one who persuaded Tetsurou to go back to studying since he thinks Tetsurou is talented. What does Tetsurou in return? Makes Kenma worry and doubt himself. Tetsurou acts spoiled, doesn’t he?

The black-haired finally dares to meet his boyfriend’s gaze. It seems his big golden eyes are scanning Tetsurou’s every thought, every intention. Kenma can read him like an open book. So Tetsurou allows his gaze to become honest and vulnerable, lets it show Kenma what he truly feels. Kenma needs to know: Tetsurou is there for Kenma too, not only the other way around.

To be true, Tetsurou hates the way he has to live now. Again, as during his confinement at Oikawa’s quarters, he’s kept within a certain range. He despises the fact that he can’t leave home without Kenma’s approval, that he can’t invite anyone to his home, that he is constantly being watched. But…it’s for Kenma’s sake, because Kenma _needs_ the knowledge that Tetsurou is safe to keep him running. It’s very clear to Tetsurou that Kenma can’t stay sane when he is not controlling Tetsurou’s whereabouts, Tetsurou’s destination, Tetsurou’s acquaintances, Tetsurou’s plans... _When he is not controlling Tetsurou_. It may be creepy, but it’s the reality of their lives.

Tetsurou smiles to Kenma a little sadly. Kenma should remind him of his own needs a little more often. It’s easy to forget with how calm Kenma holds himself that for him letting Tetsurou walk away from the security of their home is a sacrifice. Every single time. Tetsurou feels selfish for his complaints at the lack of freedom just recalling how much Kenma had to struggle with himself for simply allowing Tetsurou to step out of their flat alone for the first time.

Tetsurou has to remind Kenma again, or to let Kenma know if Kenma didn’t understand yet: Tetsurou would do anything for Kenma. Tetsurou would accept living the same lifestyle Oikawa had forced him to live if Kenma would be his master. If Kenma needed it from Tetsurou. And he would do so willingly and without breaking.

Kenma’s eyes are a little wet, and so, so hurt. It’s not his fault they only have each other in this world now. He can’t lose Tetsurou. It’s out of the question. It’s all he can do to stop himself from locking Tetsurou up in his room and keeping him ultimately safe. Tetsurou should appreciate Kenma’s efforts more. Tetsurou should have remembered, he should have known better. Because it is the same for him – he couldn’t live without Kenma by his side, even if he, unlike Kenma, is able to trust his boyfriend to care for himself (maybe, Tetsurou just has more proofs that Kenma is self-sufficient than Kenma does in regard to Tetsurou).

This time Kenma doesn’t interrupt the movement when Tetsurou kneels slowly in front of him, lowers his head and says in a hushed tone, close to pleading:

“I’ll be good from now on, Kenma, I swear. Thank you for reminding me of my duties. I’ve stepped out of line. Will you still have me?”

In peripheral, the black-haired can see Kenma rubbing at his eyes. Kenma doesn’t need to cry. It’ll be OK so very soon. Tetsurou loves him so much.

Kenma seems better now, though, since his voice acquires a slightly mocking tone (albeit it’s not devoid of a little trembling):

“Oh, I hope you didn’t think that you’ll be able to get rid of me this easily, did you?”

The phrase sounds scary as all the implications sink in. Tetsurou shifts nervously.

“No, Kenma, I…”

“Then prepare your ass for big trouble, Tetsu. And,” the smaller boy taps his chin as if in thought, “I’ll give your dick something to make it feel caged for real. So that you’ll know for sure what you are speaking of when you explain me your feelings”.

Leave it to his boyfriend to be mean. Tetsurou groans at the prospect of wearing a cock-cage for at least several days. So much for trying to apologize nicely.

 

 

 

First of all, Kenma fucks him. Slowly and methodically, how Kenma likes it best. With little care for Tetsurou’s pleasure, simply taking, what’s his. Tetsurou enjoys it, even more this way, knowing, that Kenma doesn’t concentrate on Tetsurou only (he does it all the time when they’re having sex) but finds his own satisfaction while fucking Tetsurou’s body. Kenma isn’t rude or aggressive, because he never is. He just doesn’t try to find 1001 methods to pleasure Tetsurou as he usually does.

Tetsurou goes pliant under Kenma’s lithe little body. He feels so thrilled because of being _used_ for Kenma’s pleasure, being used by Kenma, being able to provide what his lover wants right now. Tetsurou doesn’t squirm, doesn’t arch his back, doesn’t try to adjust his position so that Kenma would graze his sweet spot with every thrust. He lies there and takes it, happy, content and grateful. To Tetsurou’s point of view, such a disobedient boyfriend like him doesn’t deserve being fucked at all after acting so thoughtless and unappreciative.

When Kenma touches Tetsurou’s dick and asks the raven to come for him, as he always does, Tetsurou is mildly surprised. He didn’t expect Kenma to gratify him with an orgasm. His climax doesn’t hit Tetsurou like a tidal wave, as it usually does; it flows through Tetsurou gently, without breaching his special floaty state.

Then Kenma tosses a used condom to the trash can and motions Tetsurou to stand up. They go to the bathroom together, and Kenma orders Tetsurou to quickly shower and then wash him. The older boy can’t believe his luck; he’ll never have enough of worshipping Kenma, never. Tetsurou’s shower takes seconds, and then he takes his time soaping Kenma’s body, massaging his every limb, pouring hot water over Kenma. Tetsurou can sense Kenma finally giving up the last bits of tension under his lover’s deft hands. When Kenma moans as Tetsurou starts rinsing off the soap from Kenma’s member, the older boy uses it as a clue for continuing his worship with his mouth. The blonde allows Tetsurou this boldness, and the raven doesn’t disappoint. Kenma comes, gasping loudly, and Tetsurou swallows every drop and licks any traces of Kenma’s release from his dick until his lover starts to shudder from oversensitivity.

When they’re done, and Tetsurou has literally brought Kenma to bed, tucked in a giant fluffy towel, they drink a bit of water and dive together under the covers. Tetsurou and Kenma lie in silence, without touching, without kissing, just holding hands and being there for each other.

Then, in a wink of an eye, the atmosphere shifts. Kenma looks at Tetsurou expectantly, with heat and authority in his beautiful golden eyes, and Tetsurou can see himself falling _under_ , even deeper than before. The black-haired crawls out of their nest and goes to his kneeling position on the rug by the bed. Tetsurou is a mere puddle at Kenma’s feet; all he wants is to serve his lover at the best of his abilities. He holds his gaze down, but he knows that Kenma is towering over him, watching him, appraising him. With his long blond hair fluffy from the bath, wrapped up in a ridiculously big towel, cute as hell, Kenma still makes an intimidating presence.

Kenma orders Tetsurou to find the cock cage and to put it on. The raven doesn’t feel any protest at the order. While Tetsurou is busy with his task, Kenma talks. Tetsurou likes listening to his boyfriend’s smooth talking; Kenma is not vocal in his daily life, and it’s a rare treat.

“Oh baby, look at you. You got hard from blowing me in the shower? Poor boy, now you have to wait until you can put this vicious metal thing on. Don’t worry; we have all evening if you need. Though… I would’ve preferred to be quick with locking you up. Aren’t you precious, Tetsurou. See, your dick knows better than to displease me by now; it went down on its own. Doesn’t want to be calmed down by an ice cube, maybe? Who knows? Now, now, Tetsurou, be careful with what belongs to me, put the cage on gingerly. I’ll give you plenty of pain later today myself, but you’re not allowed the same. I want you to be tender with your flesh. That’s it, baby boy; you’re always so good for me. Your nice cock will have to stay caged for a while, but you can handle it for me, can’t you?”

Tetsurou is dizzy with the praise; even the mentions of the impending punishment and his time in chastity don’t frighten him at this moment. He doesn’t ask for how long his cage will be on; Kenma doesn’t like him asking this. When Tetsurou’s dick is safely caged, Tetsurou kneels for Kenma again and waits.

And Kenma makes him wait indeed. To Tetsurou, a really long time passes from the moment when Kenma dresses up and leaves the bedroom, and the moment he comes back. The door stays open, so that the raven-haired boy won’t feel trapped. All this time Tetsurou doesn’t lift his eyes from the floor. He’s used to this position, feels safe in it; the rug at their bed is really soft, and he has a lot of things to consider. Mostly, Tetsurou contemplates how to apologize when Kenma will ask what he’s done wrong. But as the time comes and Kenma returns, the blond surprises Tetsurou (he does it often, as it’s been since their childhood) when he puts a finger at Tetsurou’s lips, shushing him.

“Don’t talk. We both know what was wrong – you have violated one of my rules, rules you’ve agreed to follow. I’ll punish you for this, and then we’ll make sure to discuss your activities with your new friends thoroughly.”

 

 

Kenma smiles indulgingly when he notices how Tetsurou’s eyes lit up at the last phrase. Kenma knows that his boyfriend wants to try for the university volleyball team. Tetsurou didn’t know how to breach the topic though. Perhaps Kenma _is_ too strict with him. But it’s not easy to tell, taking their history into consideration. After Tetsurou’s year-long recovery period, when Tetsurou needed structure, and order, and Kenma’s firm hand to guide him, it is hard to stop controlling every part of Tetsurou’s life the way Kenma has been doing back then. It’s been a tough year for them both. There have been mornings when Tetsurou couldn’t decide what to wear: too many items in the wardrobe to choose from. This may sound silly, but the inability to make such a simple choice was driving Tetsurou mad, could even cause a mental breakdown. Then again, this expression of utter horror on Tetsurou’s face, when Tetsurou suspected that he could’ve made a mistake in guessing what Kenma wanted from him right then. As if Kenma would punish him for something Tetsurou didn’t have a chance to learn about. As if Kenma would ever punish his boyfriend _at all_ , if it didn’t settle logically into their routine. If Tetsurou didn’t need it from Kenma. Kenma had to make up so many rules for his boyfriend so that in every situation he’d always have a guideline. It helped to keep Tetsurou in a safe headspace. They’ve written the rules down, and Kenma disciplined Tetsurou for disobeying, because correction measures for misbehaviour also meant structure. They’ve also catalogued all possible punishments for disobeying every specific rule, which ranged from taking away the privilege to read to…spanking.

Tetsurou has come to Kenma one night, when it’s been half a year since they lived together, and confessed that he can’t stop fantasizing of Kenma spanking him for being naughty. Kenma’s first impulse was to refuse without even giving it a second thought; even now, Tetsurou still has scars on his back and thighs from the beatings he had had to take from Oikawa, after all. But Tetsurou looked so hopeful, and… It’s been a real torture for Kenma the first few times he tried spanking his lover. Most of all, he wished for Tetsurou to never have to recall the experiences from his slavery days, let alone repeat it. But it worked, and Tetsurou reacted well at his correction spankings, so Kenma let it be.

After a month of regular disciplinary spankings, when Kenma has been finally able to let go the memory of Oikawa, he found out that he enjoys the process. He loves the control he gets over Tetsurou (like the control freak he is). Now they’ve bought a full choice of implements; some are used for Tetsurou’s enjoyment, the others are strictly for disciplining him. The pink leather thing Kenma holds in his hands is from the second category: it’s a paddle, a little longer than Tetsurou’s palm, thick and sturdy. It’s bright pink and has a black leather heart in the middle. Tetsurou hates everything about the implement: its style, its size, its heavy weight; the way it _stings_. As they’ve found out, Tetsurou likes to be flogged or belted. He can’t stand whips, canes, and paddles. He is still afraid of them, maybe. If he is honest with himself, Kenma really wants to use a big wooden paddle on his lover’s ass. One day, perhaps…

 

 

Tetsurou _hates_ paddles. Kenma has Tetsurou bent over the bed, his arms stretched out in front of him, his ass on full display, and he spanks Tetsurou hard. It’s not the extremities Oikawa has done to him, but every blow is really painful. The hits are easier to take since Tetsurou is pliant after what they’ve done before; he submits to pain better in such a state of mind. But Kenma… Let’s say he enjoys the process a little more than Tetsurou would have expected.

Tetsurou’s own most important rule, since he’s introduced Kenma to spanking, says: “Don’t give Kenma a reason to paddle you, ever”. Alas, he should’ve remembered this wisdom before going to a café with his fellow students on his way home without permission.

Tetsurou is not allowed to change his position on the bed. Every move, every attempt to squirm away from the stinging paddle earns him additional spanks. Kenma never says a full number of blows; he just makes sure to bring a nice colour to Tetsurou’s ass-cheeks. A nice colour, in Kenma’s view, is cherry-red or rosy with hints of purple. He admires Tetsurou’s ass after every other strike, and Tetsurou thinks ironically of how different their ways of worshipping each other’s bodies can be.

Making sounds is allowed. Whimpering, yelping, whining is allowed. Moaning from pain is appreciated. So Tetsurou tries to accommodate his pained outcries to Kenma’s esthetical tastes. It’s a weird game to play, but Tetsurou can tell that Kenma is pleased with him.

It still is a sound punishment. When Kenma thinks that Tetsurou’s had enough, he lays his lover across his thighs and spanks him with his hand a little more. Tetsurou supposes it’s to make the colouring on his rear even, to distribute the cherry-red glow better. But the reasoning behind additional heavy spanks doesn’t really bother Tetsurou: Kenma giving him a hand-spanking over the knee is a reward in itself. Doesn’t mean Tetsurou isn’t crying out in pain after every slap to his already abused ass-cheeks and buttocks. It’s a huge turn-on too, and, first time through the evening, Tetsurou feels hatred towards the cock-cage. It’s not the last time, surely.

The hatred won’t evaporate until this shitty metal thing goes back to its locker. Kenma will be sure to fuck Tetsurou every day with his cage on, relishing in his pleas for being allowed to come. He’ll also be sure to milk Tetsurou afterwards, wiping his lover’s frustrated tears away after making him spill fruitlessly, without an orgasm, extremely horny without a hope to reach his pick soon. After Tetsurou has spilled, Kenma would tease him cruelly for several long moments, continuing the rubbing motions at Tetsurou’s prostate and asking coyly as a reaction to Tetsurou’s pleas: “You need to come? Don’t be greedy, baby boy. You’ve come just now”. Using the word “orgasm” instead of “coming” while begging won’t bring Tetsurou anywhere closer to the state of bliss; Kenma would just shrug and make a surprised face: “An orgasm? But bad boys don’t wear cages on their pretty cocks just so; you have yet to earn an orgasm with your best behaviour, love”.

But these tortures will happen later. Now the paddling is over and Tetsurou is lying on his belly on the bed, while Kenma evaluates the damage and applies an arnica lotion to Tetsurou’s bum. From time to time Tetsurou’s mischievous lover would succumb to temptation and spank Tetsurou on his freshly-roasted ass, earning an indignant yelp and a piteous whine of “Ken-ma-aa!”. The aftercare is finished with Kenma’s mocking: “Don’t forget about baby oil for your new metallic parts, baby! I don’t want the poor prisoner in the cage to chafe!” and yet another unexpected smack to Tetsurou’s ass.

In the night, Tetsurou watches Kenma sleep. He’s so lucky to have him. Kenma is frightened of his similarities with Oikawa, but Tetsurou doesn’t feel afraid of his boyfriend at all, which makes half the difference.

It’s hard to follow all of Kenma’s rules now when Tetsurou feels more confident and starts to wish for more freedom. Maybe, Kenma will let them alter the rules some time. They haven’t discussed Tetsurou’s life after graduating yet, for example. Tetsurou thinks that it’d be good to be able to stay at the university, gain a degree... It’ll leave Kenma fewer reasons to worry about, if Tetsurou will continue visiting the same well-known place day after day.

Tetsurou thinks for the thousandth time of how their lives had to change about two years ago. Of how their mutual infatuation became a pure obsession on Kenma’s part and a full dependence on Tetsurou’s. Of how entangled their mutual issues are. Of how he is going to let Kenma control him all his life. Good thing that Tetsurou is fine with it, because it’s where they’re heading now. It’ll be a tough way, since Tetsurou is stubborn and curious, and, opposed to how he’s been acting most of the time from the moment of his release from Oikawa’s dungeon, Tetsurou can be strong; he _is_ strong. But they’ll make it work together, somehow.

Nowadays, Tetsurou sleeps peacefully and wakes up without screaming more often than not. He can stay alone in a dark room and remain calm. He doesn’t start crying out of nowhere anymore. Kenma is so proud of him. They’ll make it work, thinks Tetsurou, drifting to sleep, they’ll be fine. Tetsurou dreams of volleyballs, and Kenma tossing to him, and all is right with the world.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Did you like it? Please, comment! Especially if you've read the first part a while ago!
> 
> I'd be very glad to make new friends on Tumblr! [Maria-Falka](http://maria-falka.tumblr.com/)


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